We have to make a decision soon. Adrian is nearing the end of his research and the next step to take will be to pack up and return back to Singapore or stay here for another few more years. Right from the beginning, we had always been open to the idea of staying. We felt the quality of family life is better here, especially for the girls. Of course, there is the downside of our extended families missing their childhood years, us not being there for our parents and the girls not studying Chinese as a a subject even though we can send them to a Chinese school to learn it. I had always felt guilty (not sure if this is the word to use) about leaving my parents behind and going abroad to live my own life. Afterall, they had spent most of their lives bringing me up. I know some people will say I shouldn't think it this way since I have a family of my own now and furthermore, even if I am in Singapore, I won't see them everyday. The problem is Louisa and Lavigne are the only grandchildren to both sides of our families even though there are 7 children between the two families. So are we then depriving the grandparents from spending time with their only grandchildren and seeing them grow up? Are we being unfilial? There are just so many factors and people to consider. If we think for ourselves, we are being selfish. If we think for others, we are not living a life we want. Truly a dilemma. I'd love to hear your views.
7 comments:
I believe, giving your "thoughts" (dreams) a chance for a few more years (even if it was just a year) will not be that bad a choice.
The extended family will still be able to see Louisa and Lavigne after that. L & L will still be able to rekindle their affair with the chinese language.
You really should not feel so bad about this. Afterall, when else can you re-live what you have your heart set at - the quality of life here. Plus, you really should just (for at least a few more couple of years) live the life that you want! (No, I don't think it is unfilial. And who knows, if your thoughts are made known to your parents, they will want you to do this)
Ros,
this reminds me of myself and my current state. we are moving to Perth next month. One reason is for better quality of life. However, we have not discard the idea of coming back home.
Have you ever realised that Malaysian Families tend to stay apart? My in laws are good example. They encourage us to live our own life. I guess we would not want to ask our own kids to remain by our side when they grow up, cos we as parents will not want to be selfish.
It's a cycle. I believe that we should live the life we want, otherwise there will be full of regrets if there are. And who do we blame then?
I agree with your friend Tsu Lin's comments
Different people go through different situations in their lives... a friend of mine shared with me the other day how her dad collapsed suddenly in the bathroom and passed away 2 years ago. Last sat, the same thing happened to her uncle. At the end of the day, u have to ask yourself what are the things that are impt to you. To me, they are FAMILY, FRIENDS and HEALTH. Period.
mngo-irene is right...Malaysians do live away from their parents. All of my Malacca friends do not live in Malacca anymore, though we do visit a few times a year, definitely on CNY for most of us.
I've lived away from my family since I was 19 when I first went to Singapore. But I know what you're saying, it's the grandchildren, not us, that the old folks miss. It's tough, but you've gotta do what is best for your family, and by that I mean you, Adrian, L & L.
Whatever decision you make will be the right one for you, I really believe that, have peace in your heart always.
You should not feel bad about it. The first feeling you should consider is yours and your husband.No point satisfying others' feelings.Don't mean to sound like a selfish bitch here but your family would know that everyone is leading their own lives, as long as contact is maintained throughout your stay.
Distance don't equate to filial piety.
I guess different families function differently, and it is an interesting point made that "everyone is leading their own lives". Perhaps I interpreted the phrase wrongly, but I do believe that people's lives are inter-twined. A single person's decision in his life affects the people around him. This is especially so in the context of people who are close to you. Does the well-being of your friends and family affect your own? Shall not ramble into the area of Economics here...
kikumjy : Hee! I read my own comments and I know it's a misunderstanding.(wrote at wee hours in the morning. Funny! How come the time reflect otherwise? UK time?)
I am also very close with my family, and if I'm caught in Ros's situation, I think I'll be confused initially.But if I have to stay on, I'll stay on. Coz' like I said distance don't equate filial piety. Ros is already being so filial to think about her family, her family likewise should be thankful and pleased to know that she's sensitive to their feelings.
What I mean by "leading own lives" is each of us have our own family to take care (Of course fate has it that we're born in the family, there's no way to back out from it.)I don't mean to say to really go separate ways.
And I'm sure Ros's family will say things like "we'll support your decision" And there comes a point where arrangements will be made to maintain contact.
Yah, I guess it's really based on individual. Read through others' comments here and there's 2 sides of a coin here.
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