Can any of you mothers who live with your parents or in-laws give me some advice please? What do you do when you are disciplining your child and then she just runs away and cry for her grandparents for help. I'm at a total loss now because I'm not used to that at all as we don't used to live with any set of our parents (not since Louisa was 10 months old). Now that my father-in-law is here and my mother-in-law arriving tomorrow, I've become the evil witch in the household since I'm the disciplinarian and they are the 'good guys'. I'm sure it's the case with many families too. I used to have to handle this ackward situation when the only 'good guy' is daddy. Now there's three of them. Do I bend my rules and give in always and forget about the usual rules and boudaries in order to be a 'good guy'? Or do I continue to be the enforcer? My mum tells me in every household, there's always a 'black face' and a 'white face'. But how do I handle being the only 'black face' when there are three other 'white faces'?
3 comments:
hello,
i chance upon your blog while reading shermaine's. your 'parenting woes' post prompted me to comment coz i stayed with my in-laws for a little over 6 months while we were looking for our own place (we had just returned after being away for a few years) & we have a little guy who's 3 (1st grandchild on hubby's side, 3rd on mine).
when we returned to s'p, i made it clear to my in-laws & my parents that while they can dote on their grandson whom they are meeting for the first time, they have to respect the fact that my hubby & i are the parents & when we think isaac needs discipline, the grands should not intervene. we felt strongly that our child has to learn that our expectations of him is not something that can be put aside even if it might result in conflict between the parents & the grandparents.
my mil struggled with this for a while, but i'm thankful that both sets of grands allowed us to be the parents & they try very hard not to say anything when we discipline isaac. instead, they would talk to him afterwards; about why he was disciplined (tho i've already done that). i think it's their way of making sure that he doesn't get into trouble again by repeating the lesson! :)
discipline is always a hot topic between in-laws & the fact that yours are visiting makes the situation a little more delicate, but i would say that you need to continue being the enforcer. am just thinking that if you let things go, what will happen after the grandparents go home? can you bring the girls back to your level of expectations again?
you may want to get your hubby over to the 'black face clan' during this time so that you won't feel outnumbered or alone. :) that & share with other parents struggling with this issue. it helps.
thank you for letting me share my long-winded thoughts. hope you'll find a solution that works for you.
ps. here's to a sunny party day!
hi hi,
i've been staying with my in-laws since hubby and i got married 5 years ago. my little one is currently 2+. my hubby and i are on the same side, most of the time when it comes to disciplining our boy. times when my in-laws intervened with me disciplining my child, my hubby stood by me, which was really good. so, they will let me be the "bad guy" most of the time. :)
get your hubby to be on your side, at least til your in-laws leave. and you continue to be the disciplinarian. you cannot simply let go just because your in-laws are around. maybe you could let your girls know that they still have to face consequences for misbehaving and that they simply cannot go running to their grands everytime they are in trouble.
i hope things work out for you and you won't be too stressed about having your in-laws around.
bihye
thank you ladies for sharing your experiences and kind advice. My mil's been here for one week and everything's OK so far. You're right about getting hubby on my side. A tough task though.
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